Area man says mountain biking has made his vagina shrink

Meet Rusty Bergold, he’s a guy that got into mountain biking for health reasons. But mainly he got into it because his friends kept calling him a “pussy.” Bergold didn’t want to be associated with that nickname so he decided to take up mountain biking. At first his vagina was so big that it would get in the way while riding. But the more he kept at it, the more his vag shrank. “Each time I do something gnarly, I can feel my vag shrinking and my balls getting bigger!” said Bergold during an interview at a local trail head.

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Bergold has tried other activities such as Merengue and spin classes to reduce the size of his vag, but nothing has been better for his condition than an hour of mountain biking. Dr. Tito Boyd stated “The saddle helps push the vag back in and each time he gets off the saddle to tackle the gnar, his balls drop a mm at a time.”

About the author

While these other pansies are riding mountain bikes with their matching spandex and color coordinated...so called KITS...I'm bangin' their wives at home and she just served me breakfast in bed and I washed it down with a cold beer. Enjoy your ride suckas, cuz I know I did!