The Advertures of MOE,RL and the Animal

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Not too many people know about this story of Moe, Eric “The Animal” and I. But it started off like this. Animal called me up and ask, (read the following in a super deep,manly voice), “Hey RL, its ERIC! I wanted to see if you’d and Moe would be interested riding the Top Secret Trail(local trail)?” I said I was interested and Moe also agreed to go. We set up a time and date for the ride, it was for Saturday morning @ 7am.

We rode up the trail and once we got to a resting point, we stopped. Animal sits down on the ground, opens up his hydration pack, and pulls out a WHOLE Rotisserie Chicken! Moe and I look at each other, then at our Clif Bars and Gu and start to laugh at the Animal since he was chowing down on the chicken. What made Animal’s snack look good was the fact he had some potatoes and gravy in a container!

As we’re sitting, eating, and chatting, we start to hear some rustling in the near by bushes. I’m looking around but I don’t see anything. Animal looks over his left shoulder, and he lets out a sigh, well more like a groan. Then he says, “ugh…its Kyle.” I asked him who or what Kyle was? Animal then said that Kyle is a Cougar that likes to make an occasional appearance on the trail. “He must have smelled my lunch, dangit, I hate when that happens!” Said Animal. Moe replied, “What do you mean…”when this happens? So you’ve seen Kyle?” Animal reassured us that Kyle the Cougar wouldn’t bother us and will probably only venture out once we leave.

However, Kyle the Cougar had different plans that day. Kyle starts making his way through the bushes. First his left paw, then his nose, then his eyes and eventually his whole head was sticking out. He had an intense look in his eyes. He wasn’t looking at me nor Moe, but he had locked eyes on to Animal’s lunch, the rotisserie chicken.

Kyle takes two steps forward, and by this time, his whole body is out of the bushes, he lowers his head as if he’s getting ready to attack. None of us make move. Then Kyle lunges forward towards Animal! Kyle is going straight for the chicken! Animal yells out, “Nuh UH!!! That’s MY CHICKEN!”

As if the world suddenly hit the slow-moe button…everything was so clear and vivid. Kyle was in the air attacking Animal. But Animal was determined to keep his chicken, and you can see his face changing, from annoyed to really mad. All at the same time, his veins are popping out of his arms, shoulders, neck and his face as he’s cocking his right arm back getting ready to punch. By the way he’s got the chicken on his left hand. Then next thing you know, BOOOOOOOM!!!!!! Animal punches Kyle on the face!!!!!

Kyle falls straight to the ground. But he gets up! Then the weirdest thing happened…Kyle SPOKE!!!! He said, “Dude! WTF was that for!” Animal replied, “That’s what you get for trying to take my chicken! You didn’t even say please!” Kyle said, “Aw c’mon man, I’m super hungry! All I had was a small gopher today. Can’t you just give me a wing or something?” Animal replied, “Fine, but you can’t be jumping out of the bushes like that! You scared my friends!”

Kyle the Cougar apologized for making Moe and I crap our pants. Animal finally introduced us to Kyle and he actually wasn’t that bad of a Cougar. He even opened up to us and shared that his lover, Julius left him for another Cougar. Apparently, Julius wanted to have Cubs, but Kyle didn’t. Anyhow, after about 20 minutes of hanging out, we gave Kyle some Bro-hugs and I gave him some of my Clif Bars and Gus since he looked hungry.

When we got back to the car, Animal asked us, “Did you learn anything from today’s ride?” I said, “Uh, yeah that Cougars can talk?!” “No!” Animal replied, “Sharing is caring, see a need fill a need!”

RL Policar

RL Policar is an avid mountain biker and the Editor In-Chief of and Between the two sites, he's published well over 4,000 articles (and growing).

2 thoughts on “The Advertures of MOE,RL and the Animal

  1. Love it! “Sharing is Caring” I also understand don’t mess with “Animals” Chicken!! Good learning, trail info!

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