How to get big calves

If you’ve been mountain biking for a while but haven’t noticed any progress with the size of your calves. Here are some sure fire tips on how to get them bigger!

1. Ride more! Keep putting down the miles and when you are climbing, try standing up. That will get your calves working harder.

2. Do calve raises. Convince someone to sit on your back while you do this exercise. This will isolate your muscles and allow you to make some pretty big gains.

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3. Wear slim/skinny fit pants. Nothing shows off your calves like some slim pants. Got these from Old Navy for about $30, worth every penny!
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4. Genetics. If you weren’t born with good genetics, then you’ll probably be stuck with chicken legs and a balding head. Sorry, not really sure how to help you with this one.

5. Shave your legs. Last but not least. Shave them hairy legs. Porn stars do it with their genitals to make them look bigger. The same principle applies to your legs.
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Hi Sexy!

That’s right, I’m talking to you! Yep, I called you sexy!

Now just to be clear, I’m not gay, far from it! I love vagina! But saying “Hi Sexy” to your riding buddies isn’t a gay act or saying. You’re merely acknowledging the fact that your friend is sexy. Nothing queer about that right? I mean, if you’re a male that is 100% confident in their sexual orientation, then saying such things isn’t going to be a big deal. Think of it this way, women do this all the time. They’ll talk about how some one is pretty or how someone is hot…all the time! But there’s nothing sexual about it, they’re acknowledging that the person they are talking about looks good.

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I know what you’re thinking, you may feel uncomfortable calling your buddies Sexy. Hey, that’s ok…it does take some practice and getting used to. So let’s give it a try, below are some scenarios on how you can practice saying “Hi Sexy!”

  1. Boss: “Hi Sexy, I’ve got those TPS Reports ready for you.”
  2. Father in-law: “Hi Sexy, can I borrow your floor jack?”
  3. Grocery store clerk: “Hi Sexy, I’ll take paper bags.”
  4. Priest: “Hi Sexy, I need to confess my sins…”
  5. Barista: “Hi Sexy, I would like a grande, half calf, triple shot, upside down soy, caramel machiatto with 3 pumps of vanilla and whipped cream.”

See…it’s not so hard right? So make sure you start saying this to your buddies this weekend, you’ll find that they’ll return the favor and start calling you sexy or they might even use an upgraded term, a sexy bitch!

If we make fun of you, it means we like you

Over the years we’ve had some friends come through the thickness of MtnBikeRiders.com. The Moe and I were pretty much the ring leaders of our group rides. He and I share the same style of humor and when we rip on each other, neither of us get butt hurt. We then met Art Aguilar who shared the same humor that we had, with that in mind, our bond was formed. Through many years of riding together we’ve learned how to make fun of each other. We don’t do it to be mean or to hurt each other’s feelings, but it’s a sign of endearment. Basically if we like you, then we’d make fun of you. It’s basic boys life kinda stuff.

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I was just thinking of all the people that we used to regularly ride with and some of them left because they felt like we were picking on them too much. Um…no man, it just mean’s we really liked that person. I remember one guy who we used to ride with, he became a vegan and so I wrote a post talking about he went back to eating meat…well guess what. He got butt hurt and stopped talking to us. That’s just one example of extreme butt hurtedness that occurred due to our humor. There’s actually a lot more. If you really look at it, we may just be mean…and people don’t like it. Eh, all I know is this, my closest friends who know me the best as are also my riding buddies. Humor is a major part of our riding culture and I’m cool with that. Another way to look at it is this, we may just have thicker skin and know when a joke is a joke.

If you ever get a chance to ride with any of us, you’ll see that we’re actually down to earth, very slow, and we have such a great time out on the trails. We constantly rip on each other out of fun. Nothing super mean like teasing about each other’s wife/gf/bf, small penis sizes or our kids. But more so we tease each other about our lack of riding prowess.

 

Area man convinced that mountain biking makes women wet

Gary Parsons is an avid mountain biker and he also loves to go camping. He rides his local trails once a week. You can tell he’s a mountain biker based on his Instagram and Facebook posts talking about how he’s able to tame his demons with one mountain bike ride. Gary’s best assets would be his colorful wardrobe of expensive mountain bike clothing from brands like Fox, Troy Lee Designs, Dainese and many more. Gary believes that by looking legit on the trails, it will garner him trail-cred with the trail bunnies, or in other words, the LADIES.

Gary thinks that his pheromones that his body emits while riding his mountain bike makes the women wet. He was quoted saying; “I know that there’s an odor if you will, that my body excretes that drive the women crazy and wet.” When we asked Gary if he has proof they’re “wet” he basically said that some of the runner women he rides past are sweaty.

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When we asked him to clarify what he meant by “wet” did he mean vaginal secretions or sweat? He said “Sweat! Vaginas secrete? Eeew that’s gross! Why would anyone want that?!” So it turns out he thinks that the term “wet” means sweat. Technically he’s right, but we believe he’s using it in the wrong context.

In addition, this odor or what he likes to call his pheromones is actually BO…as in Body Odor. Gary says deodorant is for sissies and that natural body odor is man-musk, which drive women crazy.

Look what I got for Christmas!

Alright so here’s something totally unrelated to mountain biking. The Moe got me a super cool present for Christmas! This here is a mini oak barrel. The purpose is to age your own whiskey, tequila and other booze. So here’s the deal, you’re supposed to pour in moonshine and let it age. But I didn’t have any, instead I took a bottle of Rebel Yell Bourbon that I received from my friend for Christmas. It’s a decent bourbon, but a little on the light side. I let it age in the barrel for a total of 2 weeks and boy I tell you what, the taste is incredible!

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The booze became sweeter! Yep, I could taste hints of vanilla and caramel. The color also got darker, it went from a piss yellow to a darker amber color. There’s nothing better than pairing a good whiskey with a good smoke. In the photo I paired it with a Acid Cigars Kuba Kuba, which is a delicious medium smoke that goes well with any whiskey. I also like to take bites of chocolate to help enhance all the flavors while drinking and smoking. Damn…all this talk about booze and cigars is making me want some right now!

Build Update

marin palisades 29er

As you may have read from my previous POST, my bike broke and I bought a new frame. I found a Marin Palisades 29er on closeout from Ebay for about $130. I pulled the trigger and the frame came in.

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I sat on building the bike up for a while because I had to order parts for it. I had to get bottom bracket spacers since I went from a 73mm shell to a 68mm. I also had to order a new headset since the Marin’s was larger in diameter than the Titus Rockstar. All that took a few weeks to arrive. Once I finally got the parts in, I got sick.

But laying in bed all day sick gets a man all bored and stuff. One can only watch so many hours of Youtube videos before he gets cabin fever. So I decided to get up, go into the garage and start building this bike up. I ran new shifter cables and housing, installed the new parts and got everything dialed in.

Voila! I’d like to introduce you to….MADEA!

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Yes her name is Madea, just like Tyler Perry’s Madea. I named her that because she’s a tall bike! This is a small, but with the big honkin’ fork, I can’t even touch the ground flat footed unless I’m practically off the bike. I’ve yet to ride Madea, still recovering from my cough, but soon…soon.

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Have some fun at Betting Top 10!

Duct tape won’t be able to fix this

Let’s cut to the chase. Here’s my busted frame. This was my Titus Rockstar 29 Alloy. The unique part about this bike was it had a carbon rear triangle. I thought it was sorta cool and stuff, but I’ve always been weary of carbon parts due to them breaking.

As you can see the brake mounts ripped off the seat stay. Fortunately Art and I were finishing up our ride. The oddest thing is that this happened while I was going up a hill…I recall hitting the brake and then I heard a snap.

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I’ve reached out to Planet X, the parent company of Titus Cycles and all they said was “bummer.” Ever since they closed down their US office, they’ve sorta sucked. The frame was out of their warranty period of 2 years and they didn’t have any spare parts to sell. After that I reached out to 2 reputable carbon repair places and both turned down the job because they said this was a high stress area and didn’t feel good about the longevity of the repairs.

So that left me stuck without a bicycle to ride. Funny thing is, I haven’t ridden much at all in the last few months. But on that day I told myself that I should get back to riding again since it was so fun. Well what’s a fella gotta do to get back riding? I didn’t feel like dropping over $1000 on a new bike. I tried looking for frames, but most of them were out of my budget. I settled on a hard tail aluminum Marin Palisades 29er Trail frame from Ebay for a cool low price of $130. I figured I could just transplant my parts over to this new frame and keep riding.

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Maybe in the Spring or Summer season I can hustle up enough money to get a decent bike, one with a better warranty…

Local 45 year old man says mountain biking is fountain of youth

Meet Brett Chad Michael Smith, or as he likes to be called, “B-Shizzle.” Yes that really is his name and if you don’t call him B-Shizzle, he would prefer you call him by his full name.older-guy Back to the subject, Brett claims that mountain biking is his “fountain of youth.” He likes that he can stay in shape, hang out with younger riding buddies and wear cool mountain bike related clothing. His favorite ensemble would be big-dark sunglasses paired with a flat billed trucker hat where he tucks in his ears inside the cap, a mountain bike brand t-shirt to show his favorite bike brand, Dickies work shorts, riding socks that has some funny saying like “BEER:30” and a pair of Converse All-Stars.

Brett likes to try and meet younger female mountain bikers while riding or when he’s shopping for outdoor gear. He often will use the pick up line, “you got everything you need?” He figures he’ll approach women who broke down so he can have a to get a conversation started. But if that fails, he’ll also say “Good morning” to women who are running by. Each time he does so, his ego grows. Little does Brett know that 90% of the women he says hi to can’t hear him since they have their ear buds on.

Going back to the fountain of youth; even though Brett continues to age each year, he maintains that this sport helps him feel young because of the new words he’s learning from his younger riding buddies. “I learned terms like fleek, on point, sick, the gram, amazeballs, baller, bye Felicia, yolo, fanboi/fangirl, hot mess, humblebrag and kicks!” Said Brett as he sips his double IPA during this interview.

REVIEW WEDNESDAY: TIMBER MOUNTAIN BIKE BELLS

THE BEST LITTLE TRAIL BELL EVER
THE BEST LITTLE TRAIL BELL EVER

TRAIL AWARENESS

Have you ever been on your local trails and you’re coming around a blind turn and suddenly you have hikers or horseback riders.
Both hikers, horseback rider, and you have your eyes bugging out of your heads like Large Marge from “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”.
Hopefully yelling doesn’t start from the hikers, horse riders. You’re fast on your feet with the apologies for the surprise you may have caused.

Being heard on the trail can be a hard thing when on a multi-purpose trail. You have to take into consideration that others are so into nature, enjoying the outdoors like yourself they could not be paying attention. We all share a responsibility while being on the trial.
So, don’t believe that because you’re on your bike and you can hear the noise you produce that it could be heard down trial as well.

With so many enjoying the local outdoors these days, the trails are getting a little more crowded.

Being heard before being seen is important and what mountain bike riders have done in the past was to get mini cow bells or small fishing bells from your local Big 5, then attaching them to their hydration packs or bikes. You may find that one rider that wants to be heard so much that they sound like Santa Claus and his sleigh.
Whistles are another good way to be heard, but trying to put one in your mouth as your riding is not an option when bouncing all over, I once saw a company that made water bottle air horns. Now these were cool, but talk about loud and scaring the crap out of someone, got to say they were pretty cool, but wouldn’t last long.
So, you have some quick choices out there, from the little fishing line bells you get from the local tackle store, to the small to medium Velcro mini cow bells you can order online, however there is a better choice.

THE BELL

In comes TIMBER Mountain bike bells and they have taken mountain bike bells a step above the rest.
I met Chris an Liz Lacy at Interbike one year just prior to releasing the BOLT ON bell. I saw this thing and right away had to talk to Chris from TIMBER about it.
So, I wondered how a bell could be better, it’s a bell! Big deal! WRONG!!

This is a big deal, why? TIMBER Mountain Bike Bells mount to your handle bars in one of two ways.
MtnBikeRider.com tested both bells with countless hours of riding in all conditions and areas to see trail users’ response and the response in a high public use area. The results were unbelievably great.

The first is the TIMBER Quick Release bell that comes with two rubber straps that allow you to mount to the narrow part of your bars or the wide part of your bars.
The second is the newest addition Bolt-On model that allows you to bolt-on to bars 31.8 to 22.2.

THE QUICK RELEASE BELL IS A SMALL PACKAGE WITH GREAT CONSTRUCTION.
THE QUICK RELEASE BELL IS A SMALL PACKAGE WITH GREAT CONSTRUCTION.
PULL TAB O-RING ALLOWS YOU TO ATTACH TO YOU HANDLE BAR WITH NO PROBLEM AND THE RUBBER SHIM KEEPS YOUR QUICK RELEASE FROM UNWANTED SLIPPING.
PULL TAB O-RING ALLOWS YOU TO ATTACH TO YOU HANDLE BAR WITH NO PROBLEM AND THE RUBBER SHIM KEEPS YOUR QUICK RELEASE FROM UNWANTED SLIPPING.

Rubber shims included.
The Quick Release model has a partial nylon body and comes with two sized rubber rings for mounting.
Each ring has a tab to help you pull it onto the body’s hook. When you find the right spot the Quick Release bell holds great. Mounting is really super simple and what is great about this particular bell is it allows you to remove it and mount it on any of your bikes.
Let’s face it we never know which bike we want to take out for a ride in our quiver and being able to put this bell in your Hydro bag and pull it out at the ready is awesome.

THE BOLT ON TIMBER BELL AS YOU CAN SEE IS NICELY MADE. NYLON TOUGH BODY AND LEVER, BEAUTIFUL BELL, AND INCLUDED SHIMS FOR A GREAT FIT.
THE BOLT ON TIMBER BELL AS YOU CAN SEE IS NICELY MADE. NYLON TOUGH BODY AND LEVER, BEAUTIFUL BELL, AND INCLUDED SHIMS FOR A GREAT FIT.
MOUNTING IS EASY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMOVE ANY GRIPS, OR CONTROL SYSTEMS ON THE BARS. PULL IT OPEN A TAD AND SLIP IT ON.
MOUNTING IS EASY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO REMOVE ANY GRIPS, OR CONTROL SYSTEMS ON THE BARS. PULL IT OPEN A TAD AND SLIP IT ON.

The Bolt-On TIMBER Bell has a full body made with tough flexible nylon that tightens with a 5mm bolt. Use the proper shim, tighten it up on the handle bar and forget about it. You also don’t have to worry about the TIMBER Bell moving. Once it’s on, it’s on.
Now I do like this setup a tad better because I know it won’t be liberated by someone who thinks he deserves it more than me. It sucks while you’re in line ordering your Big Bear Yogi burger with Boo Boo fries after some hard riding only to come out and get your ride on and you see someone swiped something off your bike. Just not cool.

HOW IT WORKS

Now what has this beat over other bells, horns, and baby rattles is the fact that you can turn it on and off. Yes, this is the only mountain bike trail bell that allows you to use it when you want.
You don’t have to take you thumb off the handle bar to ring it or push a button to make it ring.
Sure using your thumb to flick a ringer or push a button may not sound like a big deal, but think of it this way. You flick the lever downward and the bell starts to ring.

This is what’s so ingeniously simple about the TIMBER Bell. You push the lever down and it will lower what TIMBER call the “internal Clapper Cable”, the ball will ring as you are moving.
After you pass those you wish to alert on the trail, simply use your thumb to move it to the up position and the bell is then turned off. EZZY PEEZZY!!

NOISE TIME!!!!

This is the other great thing about the TIMBER Bell. The noise it emits is very pleasing to the ear.
If you have ever used say one of the mini cow bells on your bike or on your hydro pack, you know this constant ringing is load and you will be heard a mile away, yes good and all, and I know this is what you want. At some point, I know you hate hearing this bell during your whole ride. It just kills your ride to the point of taking it off and tossing it in the pack to never be heard again, plus the noise has pretty much scared of all wild life within a 10 mile radius, and pissed off anyone around you.

SIMPLE TO USE AND A PASSIVE BELL SOUND WHEN YOU WANT IT.
SIMPLE TO USE AND A PASSIVE BELL SOUND WHEN YOU WANT IT.

TIMBER’s Bell sends out a nice (in their words) passive sound. It can be heard in a
200 + meter radius, which is great for all on the trail without waking the dead.

RIDE TEST

Using both the Quick Release and BLOT ON TIMBER Bells proved to never be any kind of issue when you needed to turn it on or off.
Of course, the Quick Release is easier to take on and off, this could be a plus to those with multiple rides.
Left or right side it worked well. I never experienced any movement when I used it. It didn’t slip when I pushed the lever up or down, thumb up there.
The Bolt On TIMBER Bell I like as you know due to not having to ever worry about it ever disappearing.
After you find the place where you want it on your bar (like the Quick Release close within thumb reach is best if you could) it was always a snap to operate.

ONCE YOU HAVE THAT GREAT SPOT, YOU'RE READY TO GO.
ONCE YOU HAVE THAT GREAT SPOT, YOU’RE READY TO GO.

I found that any time I would turn it on when I saw someone down trail, they had no problem hearing me coming. I even had one hiker thank me for not having an obnoxious sounding bell.
I don’t mind using it when I’m riding. I feel good about using it because it isn’t loud.
I wanted to see what kind of response I would have when riding the crowded boardwalk path at my local beach. Any time I turned it on, people would not be startled and move with no problem.

Just another plus using the TIMBER MOUNTAIN BIKE Bells. You can say this isn’t just for the trail.
No movement, super easy to install, fast to use on the trail without loss of control, and great construction.
Oh and one more thing, the Bolt On models threaded insert is made in the USA with a lifetime quality solid brass that won’t strip or wear out. Sounds good to me.
I have to tell you what the best part about the TIMBER Bell is, that’s the price.
These little babies will only set you back a whole whopping $20.00 bucks, yeah just $20.00 smack-A-Roos!!!

This is a super value if you ask me and I will be getting a few more for my other bikes as well.
Our hats off to TIMBER MOUNTAIN BIKE BELLS. Thank you for letting us review your products.

You can get one of these nifty bells by going to their website at mtbbell.com.

Evan Williams Bourbon Review

This past year I’ve gotten into whiskey. In fact for my 40th birthday I hosted a Cigar and Whiskey Social at a nearby cigar lounge. I don’t drink much, but when I want to relax I typically will bust out one of my favorite cigars and pour some whiskey in a small glass. I first discovered Evan Williams through some facebook post that I saw where it was rated high for a whiskey priced under $15. I later found it at my local grocery store for only $13.99.

Took it home, got myself a ice ball, poured it into a glass, lit my cigar and leaned relaxed on my patio. Alright so here’s the thing with Bourbons, I love the oakey taste. The oakier the better. I know that oakey isn’t a word, but if you drink this stuff you’ll get that woodsy flavor that comes through on your palette. That’s exactly what I look for. Then I look for how smooth it is going down. The last thing I need is to make a face when drinking this stuff.

So what I like to do is to let the bourbon sit in the glass and let the ice melt a bit. I find that a little bit of water, to me it enhances the flavor of the bourbon and leaves a cleaner mouth feel. Sipping on the Evan Williams a good experience. As much as I enjoy it, I think this would be best served as a mixing bourbon. One of my go to drinks is to enjoy it with some Coca Cola and about 1-2 shots of Evan Williams. But if I don’t have any soda, I’ll just sip on a little bit of it while I’m smoking a cigar.

Truthfully, this bourbon isn’t bad for less than $15. It’s a value bourbon and its the type that you’d serve to company and save the better stuff for yourself for later. Another thing I like to do with Evan Williams is I pour a shot glass full and place that in my humidor to help flavor my cigars.

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