Underneath the robe you find a man. Underneath the man you find his nucleus.

Category: Humor

Top 50 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Get into Mountain Biking

Posted by RL Policar On May - 2 - 2014

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As much as I love mountain biking, I realized there are some pitfalls to the sport. But I found these out AFTER the fact that I started riding. Perhaps if someone told me about them, I may have gotten into bowling or mopeds….ya I can picture…….

With that in mind, don’t get into mountain biking because…

1.Expensive to get into.

2.Parts break all the time.

3.Parts wear out.

4.Flat tires.

5.Throwing up after a climb on your single speed.

6. Sweat.



9.Getting hurt.

10. Ticks.

11. Poison Oak.

12. Bug bites.

13. Moldy water bladder.

14.Walking after your bike breaks down.

15. Driving 50 miles to ride 10 miles.

16.Loss of money.

17. Poor resale value of products.

18.Addicted to mountain biking websites.

19.Always looking out for a good deal.

20. Getting into online fights about what is better, 26,650, 29er.

21. Convincing the wife to let you go riding.

22.Trying to get the girlfriend into riding.

23.Hoping that your kids will become the next world champion.

24. Sweaty balls.

25. Chamois…how come it’s not spelled SHAMMY?

26.Bicycle that cost more than my car.

27.Garage becomes your own personal shop.

28. Can’t decide on which jersey to wear.

29. Cycling socks…you don’t need them. There’s no Sock-Police to tell you that you HAVE to wear them. Just use regular socks.

30. You don’t like people.

31. You don’t like douche bags.

32. You are a douche bag.

33. Racing.

34. Jumps.

35. Rocks.

36. Air shocks.

37. Tubeless tires that leak.

38. Too many types of lube to choose from.

39. XT, XTR,XO,X7,STX,KKK,ABC, BBW,DEORE,RED…too many product lines to remember.

40. Not being able to breathe after a climb.

41. Can’t bunny hop.

42. Can’t wheelie.

43. Can’t change a flat.

44. Can’t fix your bike.

45. No power tools involved when fixing a bike….pssh. mOaR POWaH!!!

46. Garage full of bikes.

47. 1Bed Room Apt full of bikes, no room for furniture.

48. Bike hoarding.

49. Excess parts…you’ll never need that 7speed freewheel again, but you hold on to it just in case!

50. Fun. Yes…it’s too fun.

But don’t you worry, I’m not a Negative Nancy, I did find one reason why you should get into it and it’s probably the main reason why I tell people to try it…and that’s #50…yep, It’s fun! I can’t even count how many times I’ve had a fun time riding with Lady P and my friends. From all the memories of racing, biking trips and the great conversations I’ve had over the years, I simply love mountain biking.

#TBT aka: Throw Back Thursday

Posted by RL Policar On April - 10 - 2014

On the wonderful world of Social Media there’s something that goes on every Thursday called Throw Back Thursday or #TBT. Since most mountain bikers are visual learners ( I made that up), I figured here’s a list of various videos that showcase some of our favorite things from the days of our childhood.

M.A.S.K. I think this show helped me develop a love for full face helmets.

GoBots…everyone knows that they came out first, so that means Transformers copied them.

The Animal. Man didn’t this toy seemed like it was the best thing EVER!

Since we are a bicycle site, check out this totally rad Huffy commercial.

I’m sure there’s more videos that I can post, but this one is pretty cool. It’s the Helltrack scene from Rad, one of my favorite movies ever!

In a recent study done by Brown and Stone Research Group, they found that the mountain bikers who brag about “climbing is my favorite” don’t actually like it as much as they let on.  Dr. Brown stated, “Mountain bikers who say that climbing is their favorite is just an attempt to throw people off from their lack of downhill skills. In fact, they don’t like climbing at all. If anything they see climbing as a necessary evil to mountain biking.”

climbing sucks

In addition, Dr. Brown noted that the word “climb” irritates most mountain bikers in general. In fact 86% of mountain bikers agreed on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most), that when they hear “climb” during a conversation about a ride, they are more prone to irritability. “We even had 10 individuals that stated the word bugs them because it uses a silent B in the word. They all agreed that if the word is going to use a silent letter, it should just be eliminated. Their suggestion would spell; “CLIM” with a long I.”

Want a Sticker?

Posted by RL Policar On January - 20 - 2014

If so you’re in luck! We’re giving away 10 stickers! These measure 12″x1″ made with white vinyl. Can be placed on your body, bicycle, vehicle and on children. All you have to do is send us an email with your mailing address and we’ll send one out to you! The first 10 emails we get will automatically receive one sticker. For the rest of you suckers, sorry! Thanks!


Merry Christmas!

Posted by RL Policar On December - 23 - 2013

From all of us at, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas

Want a Fat Bike for $199?

Posted by RL Policar On November - 7 - 2013

You’re in luck! Walmart has them in various colors.

fat bike walmart

Here’s the description:

The Mongoose Beast is an agile, resilient bike that can be ridden easily on a wide variety of terrain thanks to oversized tires for stability and traction. Cruiser geometry adds a comfortable but athletic riding position.

Please note: If you select Site to Store delivery, your bike(s) will not be assembled upon pickup.

26″ Mongoose Beast Men’s Oversized All Terrain Bike, Red:
Frame: Rigid steel, cruiser design frame
Gearing (# of speeds): single speed
Brakes: rear coaster brakes
Wheels: 26″ wheels
Tires: supersized beach cruiser 4-1/4″ knobby tires
Wheel set: alloy 4″ wide wheel set
Kickstand: extra strong kickstand holds the Beast
Handlebars: low rise ATB handlebars are comfortable and stable
Seat: padded seat
Pedals: 3-piece crank and beach cruiser pedals
Maximum Weight Limit: 250 Pounds
Assembly required
Dimensions: 68″L x 23″W x 41″H

If you think that’s cool, here’s another little gem that Walmart offers. CLICK HERE.

Project Sidecar

Posted by RL Policar On September - 4 - 2013

You may have seen the most recent project we’ve been working on, if you haven’t then you’re in luck. This is a photo-rich article that will show you some of the stuff we did over the Labor Day holiday. So I called up some fellas to see if they’d be interested in hanging out. The Moe and Dial Tone were happy to do so. Actually what happened was the three of us were supposed to check out a motorcycle dealer, but we found out they were closed. So I figured, we’ll go and put the sidecar together instead.

I loaded up the Limo with this “Steel is REAL” sidecar and headed over to a neighboring city to buy a 20″ BMX front wheel for it. We met this guy who had a shop-like set up in his garage. I paid the man $10 for a new BMX front wheel and we were out.

As we were driving, The Moe said he was dehydrated and needed fluids in his body STAT! So we stopped off at a Messican Food place for lunch. Notice how happy The Moe looks, yep he’s fully hydrated. That look he has on his face is of him saying a quick prayer thanking the Lord for sustenance he provided that day.

After lunch we headed back to the World HQ of to mate an old GT Dyno BMX bike that DialTone donated for the project. We found that due to the down tube of the bike, the sidecar mount wasn’t going to work. But we tried it just in case it would. Those sexy pair of legs belong to DialTone.

The Moe and I went for a test ride.

This was our celebratory pose in completing the mount job. The Moe enjoying a Cohiba while I puffed on a Dolce Vita. This was short lived because the set up flexed way too much. So that mean we couldn’t use the Dyno as a donor bike.

We were about to go back to the workshop to see if we can try a different bike. The Moe was a bit buzzed and tried to see if he can be his own designated driver, but he just kept going around in circles.

After about another hour or so we came back out with this. I mounted a Manhattan Hot Rod to the sidecar. Fit was perfect!

Another angle

In this photo you can see how it mounts to the bike.

I actually have a backrest the the sidecar, but it broke during shipping. So I’ll have to fix that first. Another idea I did have was to get orange vinyl and redo the sidecar upholstery. The project is far from complete, there’s still so much to do to it. But for now it’s totally ride-able and I may add that it’s a blast!


Un dia divertido en Oso Grande

Posted by RL Policar On August - 26 - 2013 impressed with my Mexican talk? I did take 3 years…or should I say “tres anos” of it in high school. But that’s about the extent of my Spanish.  But I still remember how to say, “La entrada esta alli, no aqui.” When I was 18, I was a security guard at a grocery store and I had to tell people that the exit, where I was stationed at, was not the entrance. Anyhow, let’s get back to what we did this weekend. So we rounded up some of the amigos de to join Lady, The Moe and myself at Snow Summit in Big Bear, Ca. We loaded up the Team Limo and hit the road. You’d think with all the KHS Bicycles we have, that we were sponsored by them…

KHS DH200 and KHS Lucky 7. The KHS XCT556 was inside the limo.

LadyP, The Moe and RL.

Safety first! Goggles are a must!

During our first run, we ran into Cuz’n Joe who happen to get a flat. Here we are helping him, that’s what family is for, we help.

It was right after this run I started to have issues with my bike. I noticed that there was some play on the headset. Kinda odd if you ask me. So I tightened things down and went for another run down the mountain. Half way through I notice the play go worse and worse! Now there was major play in it and no matter how much I tightened the top cap down, it would still move. I make down the mountain and I decided to check out my headset. I pulled off the bar/stem removed the upper crown race and bearings I noticed that the FSA Pig Heaseat pretty much blew up. I noticed that the lower bearings wore out so much that the piece that holds them all together was pretty much a goner. During that inspection, I noticed I was missing 3 bearings. Not sure if they fell off while I was up on the trail or they fell out while I was working on the bike at that same spot.

I called a show down the street called Chains Required. I asked them if they had that same model headset available for purchase. They didn’t but invited me to come in and see if they can help me out. I get there and one of the mechanics took me to the workshop and gave me some bearings that closely matched what I needed, at no charge! I hurry back to where I left my bike and tried to reassemble the headset, but there was still some play. I’m only guessing that the bearing cups and race wore out so much that it was the cause of my problems. After 2 runs down Snow Summit, I had to call it a day. Bummer. That’s ok, I knew that LadyP and the rest of the group was having a great time on the trails. Check out this photo of her.
LadyP Gettin' Gnarly

All in all, everyone seemed to have a great time. No one got hurt and we got to see Cuz’n Joe! Not sure why I posed like this…oh wait, now I remember! Look where my left hand is…haha.

Before I go, I wanted to leave you all with this piece of magic. This is Doc Thunda, after a few beers, he can cuss in any language.

On Saturday a few of us set out for a ride through Aliso Woods. Normally it’s pretty cool there because it’s within walking distance from the ocean. Walking distance would mean like a few miles. I’m sure you could walk it, but I wouldn’t want to. Anyhow here’s a view from Lady P’s perspective as we’re trying to figure out where we were headed. at aliso woods

At a certain point the heat just made things worse for all of us. Personally I had already bonked after the first climb, while Doc Thunda and our friend Josh had mentioned they were out late drinking and partying as it was 1999. Here we are at another junction on the trail, not really sure where to go, the heat had clouded out judgement.
aliso woods

Eventually we figured out what we were going to do. Here’s my vantage point after the ride…I was beat!

Heat is one thing that I consider such a buzz kill. I can handle the cold, but the heat is something else. It’s not like I can dress down any further when it’s hot. Besides I really doubt that anyone would want to see me riding in my birthday suit and if I fell, can you imagine how much road rash I’d get! Yikes!

This is how we do it…

Posted by RL Policar On June - 16 - 2013

We’re taking a page out of Montell Jordan’s song for this article, hit play as you read the rest of the stuff.

Now that the song is playing, we’ll use it as a sound track. On Father’s Day, Art Aguilar and I met up for some product testing and photos. You see, Art is testing a water bottle and we decided to go all out on this simple product. Yep, this is how we do it on…all out. I was hoping you’d catch that on the previous sentence, but wasn’t sure so I added it again.

Art was showing off his new helmet and glasses. I think they look sharp on him.
art aguilar

When we got to our testing spot, we wanted to show you how serious we take our jobs at Notice our serious face? Ya, that’s real serious. Just look at Art, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen him this serious, so that means it’s legit and when it’s legit, it gets REAL serious, like a heart attack, but heart attacks aren’t funny because those are pretty serious. In fact, Art only gets serious for a few things. 1. Product Reviews 2. Business Time     3. Downhill Racing 4. Drinking Beer and last but not least 5. Bowel Movements, this should have actually been #2…get it…#2. If you’re not sure what a bowel movement is, Google it.  By the way, see that right there, where I’m pointing to, that right there is where we left our bikes. Serious. free product reviews

As the test was going, this product fell off Art’s bike. He had to hike back up to grab it.

The camera doesn’t do this hill much justice. This was some SERIOUS steeps we were dealing with. Just look how Art had to climb back up…for reals, yo, STEEP!
art aguilar
Then next thing you know, this chump gets in my shot. Karma got him back because the climb was sooooooo steep, that he fell over because he couldn’t get his foot out of his pedal in time and plopped right over. He was succumbed to fits of rage that had included several profanities and vulgarities that only people who drive a Ford or a Dodge would do.

But I digress. Check out how Art shows how he does product photos for his reviews. Full on SLR camera. None of this smart phone crap that take INSTA-SUCK pics, he goes ALL OUT because he’s SERIOUS YO!

So now you see that this is how we do it. We take our job seriously and we’ll go all out just to test a water bottle. I’m actually looking forward to seeing this review that Art is cooking up, should be a good one!


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