Feast your eyes on a “REAL MOUNTAIN BIKER”

This is Bob…of Bob’s Bar and Grill. I just read his blog and he totally hit it on the head of what the true definition of a “real mountain biker”

Forget the propaganda you see in photos of so called “professional? mountain bikers, those “athletes? are just roadies using flat bars and fat tires. A real mountain biker hasn’t weighed 150 lbs since the 7th grade.

Behold! The real mountain biker’s machine has six inches of dually, death-defying goodness. Have you ever seen what 250 lbs does to a hard-tail seat post after a couple drops?

Behold! The real mountain biker fully supports his second amendment rights. The right to “bare arms? so that all can appreciate the gun show. There’s no need for an expensive “cycling jersey?, just tear the sleeves off a regular old baggy t-shirt. Besides, if the real mountain biker started wearing jerseys from say Primal, he wouldn’t get any riding in because he would be too busy kicking his own ass.

Behold! The real mountain biker adorns his guns with only the finest artistic expressions. Because sometimes the pain of the trail just isn’t enough.

Behold! The real mountain biker only wears extra baggy shorts. Forget that lycra crap. If saw the balls on this guy you’d understand why.

Behold! The real mountain biker never, ever, ever, ever shaves his legs. If this needs explained it’s already too late for you.

Go and spread the Word according to Bob

Here’s one of my favorite posts on his blog….

27 Replies to “Feast your eyes on a “REAL MOUNTAIN BIKER””

  1. I like how he says…”A real mountain biker hasn’t weighed 150 lbs since the 7th grade.”

    It’s true! I haven’t weighed 150lbs since I was in Jr. High!

  2. Hey! I resent that! As someone who has never weighed more than 138 lbs. (and who now weighs 132), all I got to say is, “you’re all a bunch of whiny, jealous fatasses!”

    Whew…I feel better now. 😉

  3. REAL MOUNTAIN BIKERS FINISH RIDES!! OR COMPLETE A WHOLE LOOP OF A TRAIL THAT THEY RIDE ALL THE TIME!!!!!

  4. ok geez..you don’t have to yell…. 🙂

    Courtesy of: http://www.onlinenetiquette.com/courtesy1.html

    Do not type in all caps. Typing in all caps is considered yelling or screaming online. Those who type in all caps are perceived as lazy and not being considerate of those who will have to read their email. Various studies on the topic reflect that it is more difficult and takes longer to read text that is typed in all caps. And for those who question “What studies?” here is one example for your reading pleasure:

    http://www.psych.utoronto.ca/~muter/pmuter1.htm

    Searching for words is faster with uppercase characters, but reading of continuous text is slower (Vartabedian, 1971), perhaps because interline masking is greater with uppercase (Nes, 1986). In addition, lowercase enhances reading efficiency because word shape is helpful in word recognition (Rudnicky & Kolers, 1984).

  5. Well I’ve been whippin him in shape Ryan. He rode ss last week out at Northridge/Chino Hills – and he completed the climb!!!! =D He came close to quitin but pushed through! Very proud of him! We’re not going to be in any “FlynnRyan” shape anytime soon though…

  6. Well if you have one for me to borrow then lets talk how about you on a geared and me on the single speed Fullerton loop??? You have got to have a bike laying around that i can ride. If you beat me i’ll shut my trap!! Deal?

  7. We all know you’re a fast rider, I’m sure you’ll beat me in any type of bike race. But if you ever want to go toe to toe at an all you can eat buffet…I think I’ll get you there! 🙂

  8. I don’t weigh 150 and I don’t even have a road bike and I still don’t qualify as a “Real Mountain Biker”. So are you saying that a “True Mountain Biker” has to make excuses why they cant even finish climbing that hill? Doesn’t sound like mountain biking to me.

  9. Eh, you guys are missing the joke! If these were true qualities of a mtnbiker then I wouldn’t qualify either!!!! And these aren’t even our words – did you miss who wrote this? This is from Bob’s blog. C’mon peeps – you’re missing the sarcastic tone in the article.

  10. If you folks go to Bob’s blog and read some of his postings its REALLY REALLY Sarcastic and FUNNY! So please don’t get butt hurt if you think that we’re saying you’re not a real mountain biker…it was meant to be a humorous posting…that’s why I even made sure that I filed this posting under “humor” and not “serious”.

  11. I got the joke, enjoyed it! And it was also a good reminder that I don’t need all the latest stuff to have a blast! Something I need to hear a lot. 🙂 Thanks for the great site, I check it four times a day at least!
    cheers

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