How to have a Mountain Biking Entourage

Being an internet celebrity that I am, thanks to MtnBikeRiders, BikeCommuters and the rest of our sites, I constantly get bombarded by fans and the media. So on that note, I took a lesson from many gansta’ rappers and started riding with an entourage for protection as well as prestige.

So here’s the first rule. Find riders that have inferior riding skills and assign them roles. The first would be the Lead. This person is “in charge” of leading the pack. Then you find a REALLY slow rider with Massive Amounts of Discipline, or M.A.D, assign them to be the “sweeper.” Assigning roles to mediocre riders will give them a sense of pride and purpose.

These inferior riders will also be required to dress the part, meaning they should at least look good while riding. Thus the pads, gloves, Fox jerseys, $200 helmets and $3000 bikes. The essence of the entourage is to ride in a pack.

Without the pack, then you look just like a group ride. But the entourage makes you look legit…like a force to be reckon’d with. Here’s an example of a “lead” of the ride.

Here’s a picture of a “sweeper” with M.A.D. Notice how I’m taking the photo in front of him. Do that on occasion and send it to them via email…makes them feel cool.

Keep in mind that you occasionally have to ride up to the Lead and give them a few encouraging words to help motivate them. Say something like, “Hey your calves look bigger, you’ve been riding more huh?” or “Dang man you gotta slow down, I can’t keep up!” Words like that will help boost their self esteem…

One last great thing about an entourage is having people there to show off your skills…cuz remember, none of them can do any of that stuff…especially if you’re Fast And Technical, or F.A.T like me…

To get more information on how to roll with an entourage, send me $19.95 for a CD that will explore all facets of being a Mountain Biking Internet Celebrity.

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