Golden Fischers Dealer Camp Memo

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Golden Fischers this past week had a dealer only camp in Fullerton, California. This was to introduce to their vast dealership the three new technological marvels that Golden Fischers has come up within the past few months. These technological advances include: the new E2 geometry, HiLo full suspension bikes and Active Spoke Pivot (ASP) technology. Golden Fischers sent out a follow up memo for all of their technology to their dealers that, oddly enough, we happen to receive. Read on for more info on their new technology:

Exodus 2 (E2) geometry comes in the wake of the revolutionary Exodus geometry introduced a mere 2 months ago. Yes, Exodus geometry was supposed to be the beginning and the end of all geometry, but it turned out to be just a progression. E2, on the other hand, makes significant strides where the revolutionary Exodus geometry was lacking including increasing the ease of steering the bike from “easy” to “squirrely easy” all the while maintaining stability at high speeds. Trust us, you’ll like E2… you must like E2… your customers will like E2… that is until E3 comes out.

HiLo replaces all other types of full suspension bikes currently being produced by Golden Fischers. HilLo replaces the Queen Fishers and the Race Week bikes that were introduced just a few months ago. The HiLo bikes replace all other full suspension bikes in Golden Fischers lineup because the HiLo bike is simply better. In fact HiLo bikes are so good you will never need to sell another type of full suspension bike, ever. HiLo incorporates the E2 geometry on a new full suspension platform that runs circles around the old Queen Fishers and Race Week bikes. Using Dog Racing Shocks front and back, HiLo bikes will take you as High or as Lo as you will ever want to go, with super plush suspension or super firm suspension, as a XC race designed bike or as a full on freeride heavy and durable bike. As a dealer, you’ll never need to sell another full suspension bike again… until we come out with HiLo2.

Dog Racing Shocks will be designing 511mm offset forks to work with E2 geometry. You read that right, 511mm! These special E2 forks will only be available on the E2 lineup of bikes including none of the bikes currently being sold, but all the new bikes being produced at the factories overseas. Some how, we were able to convince Dog Racing Shocks not to make the 511mm offset forks for aftermarket use. Instead, they will stick with the tried and true 42 mm forks for other bike manufacturers and the aftermarket ummm… market.

The last change to Golden Fischers lineup for the year 2009 is the addition of Active Spoke Pivot technology stolen… adapted from Golden Fischers parent company, Trex. ASP has revolutionized how active the rear suspension works when braking. It does this by replacing straight spokes with curvy pivoted spokes. Now, every time the rear wheel moves due to trail conditions, the spokes pivot too. This results in less suspension bob, less brake dive, less trail chatter, less locking up and skidding, less tire wear, and as a surprisingly benefit, it also has less wear and tear on your helmet of all places. With ASP, all previous full suspension bikes made by Golden Fischers are now obsolete and manufacturing for those bikes will halt starting yesterday. Those dealers who still have these obsolete bikes on your showroom floor should try to sell them NOW before the new bikes come in.

Dealers shouldn’t worry though, as all the old technology – Exodus geometry, classic Race Week full suspension bikes and the ever popular Queen Fisher bikes – will not be supported anymore. That means the clients who bought yesterdays proprietary technology will be out of luck. This should amount to high client turnover rate as the Golden Fischers clients will need to purchase new technology to continue riding Golden Fischer bikes. Again, don’t worry dealers as Golden Fischer will do this all again as Golden Fischer becomes the driving force behind 31? wheeled bikes (pronounced Three One-ers), E3 geometry and HiLo2 due to come out in 2 to 3 months.

For more information about this farce, click here.

9 thoughts on “Golden Fischers Dealer Camp Memo

  1. I can’t wait to try out their entry level bikes, the Fischer Crapon, Tuna and the Great White…oh and you can’t forget about the Retreat…

  2. I’m laughing by myself in my cubicle that my neighbor is giving me a wierd look already…

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