My helmet makes me look like a…

Sometimes when I see posters of great riders like Lance Armstrong, Greg Lemond, Tinker Juarez, Melissa Buhl and the like, I see them wearing some nice helmets and they look super cool in them. In fact some of them even look better with their helmets than without.

tinker juarez

So here’s my dilema, there are tons of cool looking helmets out there 90% of people in this world looks really cool in them. But for me, being a round face, anytime I put a helmet on, I look like a mushroom….or a big penis.

penis head

Even with my full face helmet, I don’t look cool in it. First of all my face is all scrunched up, and since my helmet is white, I look like a marshmallow….

Just the other day I went into a shop to check out helmets. They had this really cool Giro helmet…it was priced around $70. With a price tag like that, I figured its gotta look cool on me! I slip it on, run to the mirror and was immediately disapointed….again I took the form of a giant penis.

What is it with helmet manufacturers designing their product to look good for people with longer faces. People like me, round faced folks are outta luck.
face shapes
No matter how many vents or different colors helmets have, we’ll always look like mushrooms or penises…

5 Replies to “My helmet makes me look like a…”

  1. Dude I’m sorry about your helmet dilemma but hopefully it will help you to know that i nearly choked on my beer when I read your post, I laughed so hard. Well said!!

    Being female, and very much into looking hot while I ride my Redline Monocog 29er over the hills and through the woods, I can recommend you try a close-fitting skater-type of helmet. You know the ones. No not THAT one, not the one with the Tony Hawk logo on it that you found on an endcap at Kmart. The OTHER one, the one you find at a store that sells skateboards, inline skates and board trunks.

    Trust me on this: you will look awesome.

    After you get it home, ignore all the warnings in the pamphlet, and spray paint it dark green if it isn’t already that color, and add a few attitude stickers. Now scrape it around on the pavement to make it look like you’ve had it a while. Good to Go.


  2. I suffer from a similar condition, Large Noggin-itus. I see by the full three fingers between the bottom of your helmet and the tops of your ears that we share this debilitating condition.

    Extra large may fit my girth but it only covers the tip of my head. We need a magnum size.

  3. That was too funny to read!! And as I read, I was surprised to know you feel the same way! I thought it all in my head!! Thanks for the heads up on saving $$ on preventing a high purchase for an expensive helmet that would make no difference of having! I’m sticking with it!

  4. I feel ya on that one.. I too suffer from “Faceus Roundicus”

    My final picks on this one are

    Lazer o2 for road (tapers and the shell wraps around the lip)
    Fox Flux for mtn (fits more like a skate helmet)

    both of these are around just under $100, but sometimes it cost money to look good.

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